Friday, February 27, 2009

My Mom

I have been at the hospital every day for the past two weeks.My mom has been very ill.It's hard to see this active ,lively woman in such pain.She is incredibly strong and I admire how she has handled her hospital stay. She can no longer live alone.So once she heals my dear mum will be moving to Connecticut.She will no longer be an hour away. This is what needs to be done.I am not well enough to take care of her and admitting that has really gotten me down. She wants me to be happy with my life and not to feel guilty or have any regrets.I told her I am happy with my life.Even though I have had PH for so many years,the gifts I have received are countless.It has been a blessing in disguise.The only regret I have is not having the strength to care for me mum.
I have been home for 2 days now and have only been able to talk to her on the phone.I am taking my doctors orders to rest.A hospital stay for me is not an option.So the phone is our connection for today.I will have to get used to that .I will not be able to just drive over for lunch or meet her and go shopping.Our visits will have to be well planned for everyone.My brother is a great person and she will be with him and his family.My nephew is happy that his "abuelita" -that's grand mom in Spanish will be with him.My prayer today is for my mom,and for me to be easier on myself .Self forgiveness is so much harder than forgiving others.
Peace be with all of you my phabulous phfriends !


Nancy said...

Don't beat yourself up over this turn of events. Find a way to make it work for everyone and without jeopardizing your own health.

Does your mother know how to use a computer? If so, I recommend getting a webcam so you can see each other.

I use Skype (it's free) to visit with my sister and my niece. We talk more via webcam than on the regular phone. A bonus is that we can show each other our craft projects. This service may be just what you and your mother need.

Colleen said...

I have had talks with my sisters about what would happen if either of our parents needed help in the future. I already feel guilty that I cannot give back all the help that my mom has given me over these last several years. I can't even help them financially if needed. I am glad they at least live down the street, and if anything, I could at least go down there to spend time with them. So, I know how you are feeling in regards to your mom. I agree with Nancy, if your mom knows or is willing to learn how to use a computer, that would be a great way to stay connected until the times you are actually able to see each other in person. :)

Colleen :)

Jen said...

Hi Di :))
I understand..Just after I was Dx, Miom had 2 strokes and I feel like crap because..I cannot help her,Physically or financially and that tears me apart..I still have a tough time dealing with that..But I know that Mom knows I cannot...
I will pray for you both and try and not beat yourself up..I know I feel guilty too..Take care..Hang in there:))


Merle said...

I know that feeling all to well, Diane... my Mother lived 600+ miles away and I was never good a sending notes or letters; but we talked on the phone often.
Easter and Thanksgiving was our trip "back home" for a holiday visit.
Computer and webcam is a great idea and I'm sure the grandkids will help her with that one.
You rest and don't be so hard on yourself... don't want you getting sick.

SMILE--it's contagious